After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
