just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
