Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
