It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
