I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
