I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
