you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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