i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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