I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
