Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
