When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
