i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
