If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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