So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
