Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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