yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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