So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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