So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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