i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
