We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
