normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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