you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
