Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
