just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
