My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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