I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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