peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
