Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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