I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
