How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
