Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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