Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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