is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
