My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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