Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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