The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hippo gnu deer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
