She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
