i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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