"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I smell stomach acid.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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