I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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