Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
