let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
