I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
