I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
