idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
