then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
