Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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