If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
