Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
