I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
