just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
