i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
