I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
