i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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