So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
