you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
