just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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