Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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