i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
