She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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