I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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