you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
