so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
