bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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