Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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