Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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