you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize